When 2 people meet, they
assess one another to determine the value the other brings. They are both
hoping the other will enrich their life or, in business, the corporation’s
ability to fulfill its mission. The one who appears to lack value will
eventually be dismissed from the relationship or fired from the company. Yet,
many people spend more time setting themselves up to be dismissed because they
focus on the wrong end of the relationship.
The 3 ways people destroy
relationships are the result of
the following:- They
test people – When you intentionally
put a person in a situation to see how they react, you believe their
reaction will provide beneficial information towards your ability to
assess them. In most cases, it has the opposite effect. Whether you’re the
boss or the recipient of someone’s romantic advances, your desire to test
the person sends the wrong message. If you’re the boss, it may send a
message that you don’t trust your people. Eventually, your people will
resent you and take actions to get back at you. Being the boss may give
you the upper hand temporarily. However, you will lose out when your best
people leave. If you hired them, you should trust they are able do the job
without being tested by you.
In
a romantic relationship, testing can backfire. While you are testing, the other
person
is not
learning whether or not you can enrich their life. In fact, when you are
testing a person, you are
not bringing value to them. Your desire to test can breed
resentment and eventually leave the
person thinking you have nothing to offer.
In
both cases, testing people is an underhanded way of trying to prove something is
wrong with
the other person.
- They
expect people to think like them – Your view of the world is unique. Even brothers and sisters who grew up in the
same family have a different perspective of the family’s dynamics. Neither
view is better than the other’s. Therefore, when you meet people in
business or personal, it would seem difficult for one person to expect
others to think and react to situations the same as them. Unfortunately,
people expect others to see the world the way they do. Furthermore, they
expect others to read their mind.
German
philosopher, Martin Heidegger, says in his book, Being and Time, no human
being can truly have perception of another. It is impossible to know exactly
how another person
sees a situation. As a result, the most you can do is project
yourself onto another person with the
belief it is perception. Once you understand
your perception is merely your projection of your
own thoughts and experiences,
you can be responsible for miscommunication.
- They
lack compassion – As long as people
have their own unique view of the world there will be miscommunication and
mistakes. If you test a person to prove something is wrong with them or
you are angry because they do not see the world the same as you, you may
lack the compassion that is required to bring people closer together. It
is not about being the perfect human being. Nor is it about taking the
right action. It is more about understanding people and treating them the
way they want to be treated, not the way you want to be treated.
than you would normally learn.
There are better ways to get
to know someone and assess their value.
Compassion is one path and it encourages cooperation which can be
empowering for all parties involved. If you truly want to see how another
person operates under pressure, set a goal that the 2 of you can accomplish together. It will create a stronger bond and foster cooperation. And you just
might learn something about yourself that you didn’t know before meeting that
person.
What do you think? I would love to hear what you think. Or
if you want to write me on a specific topic, let me know.
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